Talk:New Adventures of Doctor Who/The Master Trap

Review: Can't Run, Can Fly:
With a great return for Missy the episode gave out a lot of very good ideas which I felt could have been explored in more detail. The chapter titles I feel should go as they seem to give too much away, just go with Chapter 1, Chapter 2 and so on. I did particularly the extra detail with the Eiffal tower and the role of the Silents was very well utilised and they could make for a fantastic contribution to the series.

I would suggest in terms of format to adopt a prose form. So instead of something like this:

"The Cybermen are coming," the Doctor said. Clara then turned around to watch the oncoming Cybermen as they started to cover the skies "I can see that," Clara says. "Run," the Doctor commanded as the two started to run. The Cybermen then covered the entrance to the TARDIS as Missy walked through them. "Such a shame that your little plan ultimately failed," Missy says. Two Cybermen then grab the Doctor and Clara and start dragging them towards Missy "say something nice."

Do this instead:

"The Cybermen are coming," the Doctor said. Clara then turned around to watch the oncoming Cybermen as they started to cover the skies.

"I can see that," Clara says.

"Run," the Doctor commanded as the two started to run. The Cybermen then covered the entrance to the TARDIS as Missy walked through them.

"Such a shame that your little plan ultimately failed," Missy says. Two Cybermen then grab the Doctor and Clara and start dragging them towards Missy "say something nice."

So each time a new character says something then add a line. If a character says two things before a new character says something then just keep the line going. This will enable an easier reading experience and makes your story seem bigger than it actually may be. Just a suggestion of course but when I did this I found my writing hugely improve as it causes you to add more detail and enable a better story to be produced.

In conclusion, the episode has a load of brilliant ideas and your talent and potential are clear and I think by adjusting your style you could easily become a brilliant writer. At the moment your are very imaginitive and can present very good ideas but you tend to rush the story which may lessen the effect of the ideas. This is a better story then the previous story and your big amount of talent is definitely coming through.

Turtlecake365 (talk) 12:10, July 16, 2015 (UTC)