The Jarkus paradox: part one

''The twenty third of august, 2067, on a comet orbiting Jupiter, 6:24 in the evening, with an unusual blue box on top. ''

“The Doctor. The very name strikes fear into the hearts of every race in the Universe. Either it’s the eccentric man who wore an oversized scarf, Or the battiest Time Lord yet, the so called John Smith!” “Ha, ha very funny Dorium.”

''The twenty third of august, 2067, near a comet orbiting Jupiter, 6:27 in the evening, in an unusual blue box. ''

(AKA: In the TARDIS three minutes later) “WOA! Steady on now!” “''The very name strikes fear into the hearts of every race in the Universe. ''Between me and you, that isn’t true, isn’t it?” said Rose “Yes! Yes, it is!” “Oh come on, you know the sort of thing, sitheen saying ‘raahr. I’m not afraid of you!’” “ Picky, picky. ” “Vroop, Vroop, Vroop thud!” said the TARDIS, “oh come on, who’s side are you on?” “But I wasn’t.” Said Rose, “I wasn’t talking to you.” Said the doctor, “who where you then?” but the doctor had flung himself out of the doors. Before you read this next bit, the environment was rocky with three suns. “Delete! Delete!” “EX-TER-MIN-ATE! EX-TER-MIN-ATE!” “Blo co mo jo lo do bo do lo” alien voices surrounded the doctor and Rose. “This is brilliant! Fascinating! Come over here Rose!” Said the doctor bending down at an adipose. “Are you sure Doctor?” “Yup.” Roselooked scared, so the doctor flicked out his sonic screwdriver and ramped up the settings to ‘134’ on ‘mirror mode’ and aimed the sonic at the adipose, then he aimed it beside him and pulled the lever down. A spitting image of the adipose ‘hologramed’ out of the screwdriver. “It only works on cybernetic forms.” “Ok then” said Rose, sheepishly.

The doctor checked a strange sort of counter in his Sonic, and muttered “ 3000 ” “What?” Rosesaid. “3000. Things like this where a biiiiiig, big, big, big thing in that era. Until holographic animating was invented ” “but how does the sonic know? Does it sniff the air and send the pollen into a filtering whatsamijig then by the filtering thingy it tells the counter what doodah were in?” “Nothing like that. A lot simpler. It connects to the TARDIS.” “Oh...” “You would love Susan,” Remarked the doctor.

“But this! This is brilliant!” “Yeah, but why is that boulder opening?” “I don’t know, let’s throw them a welcome party and invite them to be my companions!” “you just, you just don’t do that to people you don’t know.” “You didn’t tell me that when I picked up you!” “Yeah, well.” “Halt! You are trespassing!” said neither the doctor nor Rose, “we always seem to be trespassing, don’t we Rose? Oh, sorry you don’t know us do you?” said the doctor flipping out his physic paper which said (to them), =         Official                                      = ==   Food minister ==    Signed Queen Victoria 3

“Oh, we’re so sorry! Callum and Benjamin at your service.” “That’s more like it! Ask someone’s rank before brandishing guns in their face, I always say! Oh and this is my companion, Rose. We’re parked right up there. Nice to tell the truth for once isn’t it, Rose?” the doctor nodded to where the TARDIS was. “Yeah.” “Oh yeah, why did you come out of a boulder?” “Oh, yeah, that. You should know about that, for an Official. We keep all our top secret stuff down there.” “Mind if we take a look?” “Sure, fine!” While the doctor was clambering down the damp he decided to explain it all. “Hey, Rose. Listen. I’ve been here before on a different time. I recently looked in the randomizer and I found out, it doesn’t take us to random points in time and space. It takes us to specific points in time, N space and E space.” “I got ya. So like we met Vincent Van Gogh the TARDIS took us to see the Krafayis before it struck?” “Exactimo.”

A few minutes later, the doctor was questioning the experimenter. “Did you make these?” here the doctor took out of his pocket a piece of technology from the cyborg adipose. “Oh, that. No I didn’t make them. One of the trainees did. They’re very simple you see. This wire takes the information to the internal animating chip. And then…” “Oh um, yeah, no offence, but I know all this.” “Oh, by the way my name’s Ethos.” “Ethos, Ethos… Oh! This is Orak!” “Yeah, this is Orak.” “OK then. Just of curiosity is anything ruining your stuff and things like that?” “come to think of it, yeah. When I was teaching some students, I was looking for a memory chip and there were only a few of them left. I and I could have sworn that I filled the banks up just that morning!” “Interesting. Take me to where it was, please.”

The Doctor was inspecting the floor. “Interesting. Do you employ Groske?” “Ehhh…. no.” “Graske?” “What is Graske?” “A race.” “OH YES! I found some arton energy with the particles of the Graske/groske/thingy race!” The experimenter looked lost. The doctor rushed to Rose. “Do you know what this means?” “Uh… no.” “We have time traveling Graske/Groske Race!” At that he ran off into the TARDIS and came out with a sort of microscope. Then he flicked a lever and got the sonic screwdriver into work. The combined microscope/sound thingy and somehow drained the room of its energy and in the darkness a blue beam went to where the doctor had been crouching and then the beam crackled with some sort of energy and went off. Then he shook the microscope thingy into a couple of containers, took Rose by the hand and rushed into the TARDIS. A student (who was watched the whole thing) said “is it just me, or is he really rude?” “No. He is really rude.”

“Now then!” Said the doctor as he emptied one of the containers into a dock in the TARDIS, “We are going to find the Graske/Groske/thing thing and ask it politely why it’s stealing all their stuff.” “Vroop, vroop, bang!” “Honey, we’re home!” Said the Doctor. “Great. It took off before we got here. But some more lovely particles!” “Um, doctor, what’s with the particles?” “Well, they’re a bit like fingerprints. But you don’t leave them when you touch something with your fingers. Wherever you go you leave them.” “Freaky.” “Yeah.” Then the doctor did the particle-collecting thing with the microscope thing and took off. Rose said “uh, Doctor, can I ask you a question?” “yeah?” “Where were we just then?” “Oh, just then? We were in the quantum flux of the four dimensional rift between the bubble Universe(s) and the normal Universe. Wait. I said that, didn’t I? This is wrong so wrong. ” Rose knew the Doctor was right. The TARDIS lights weren’t off for a reason. “S-S-sonic?” “No, it won’t work on such a complex machine as the TARDIS. Although…” the Doctor went to a sort of tube and stuck the sonic screwdriver into it. “That could be a pocket of energy.” A light came up in the TARDIS and it was blinking. “Alright, that’s an SOS.” “SOS. Definitely.” “Alright. SOS. I’ll download it onto the sonic.” “Bowowowowow”

“Hello, this seems to be coming from Jarkus.” “What’s Jarkus?” “Jarkus is a planet that was destroyed in the time war. But it’s dominant species new the secret to time travel but that was unknown to us so we didn’t know, so we couldn’t give them the rules of time, so they went back in time and saved they’re planet. Of course that made a paradox.” “Aah! Attack of the time-breathing Dragons!” “yeah, a bit like that.”

“Jarkus. It must be.” The atmosphere was light blue with streaks of energy running across it. “Like we’re in an electrified greenhouse...” said Rose. “Like we’re in an electrified greenhouse!” Said the Doctor (as if he thought of it). “ a time lord! From fhGallifey! ” Said a quick tongue. “You...” Said Rose, but the strange person had knocked them over. “What, are you..” “ Shh, Rose. You were right. The Attack of the Dragons. Reapers. ” “ hug! ” the Reapers had went. “Do you speak English?” “ Of course we do! We come from English origin. We speak many languages. Including gallefreyan. ” “Speak some for us?” said the Doctor “ a b l oj y l ” “you are a time lord from Gallifrey?” “ No, close though. ‘This is a type of Gallifreyan’ ” “I’m losing my language, Rose!” “ I’m sorry, we haven’t been properly introduced, my name’s fuck ” “my name’s the Doctor and this is Rose! Aren’t you Oraksillam? ” “ Yes, we are. Doktor? But you are  The legendarium, foreseen too come? ” “Yeah, that’s me! I was wondering whether you would be kind enough to direct me and Rose to your leader. Aka ‘take me to your leader!’” “ Certainly! ” (Twenty minutes later)  “Hello, your worshipness!” “ Hello, Doktor. You have come many miles, have you not? ” “Yeah, sort of.” “ and who is this young lady? ” “Um, hello! I’m Rose!” “ Is she your companion, Doktor? ” “Yeah, how did you know?” “ Oh, it’s all in the story! ”

“Right. So, do you mind if I look in your record of uses of time travel?” But he was gone. The Doctor was looking helplessly around. “ You may look into anything, Doktor ” “oh, thanks.” The Doctor started fiddling with a weird sort of box thing and the sonic. The Doctor said “aha! With my greatest compliments I am going. Come on Rose.” “ But Doktor, are you not going to fix our problem? ” “yes, I will try.” “ Thank you. The legend always said you where a scatter-brain! ” “Believe me, he is a scatter-brain.” “Come on Rose!” Said the Doctor. Rose said “See ya!” to the Oraksillam.

“Rose” said the Doctor as they where running, “remember these coordinates: Y 7734.147863, X 55409897. Thanks” “ha, ha. Very funny.” “Yeah. I wrote it down in a flux dock.” They were in the TARDIS by then. The Doctor plugged in the flux dock, and then they were in the same place. (What it looked like.) “Right, hello. I come in peace from the future. Now I want to go outside.” When they got outside it wasn’t ‘like an electrified greenhouse’; it was a clear atmosphere.